We asked our English Ministry Operation Team chairperson the wise Stephen Pun and dad to 2 teenagers if he could share some insights about fatherhood.
"Can't we just have a checklist on what to do?" This is probably one question all fathers would ask at least once on their fatherhood journey. Looking back, being a father is much more than what to do and is way messier for me. It is about relationships - relationships with our children, with our spouses, and with God. After asking and listening to my children and wife about this topic, our conversations converge back to our identities and the importance of knowing we are beloved. With that in mind, three areas I would like to touch on briefly: seeing our children through the eyes of Jesus, knowing God through the lives of our children, and the relationship with our children.
In a culture where individualism and materialism dominate, our anxiety can easily spill over and permeate into our children’s lives. We know in our Christian minds that our identity does not build upon what comes out of our hands, but we intentionally, or unintentionally, place different expectations upon our children. We shift their focus from being the chosen ones (cf. Col 3:12) to what they can do or how well they perform. The continuous comparison then occurs between our children and others over their grade, performance, character and appearance. In doing so, we move them away from who they suppose to be in Jesus’ eyes and push them to be defined by the world.
Waiting and listening can be deemed as passive and unproductive in our society, but it is through these ways we get to know our children and our God. His work takes place in adults, but it is also found in the lives of our children. Learning to wait and listen together to God draws us together as a family. It strengthens our faith as we learn and see how His hands work in the lives of our children. It helps us to trust and place our children in the hands of our heavenly Father (cf. Mt 19:14) with love beyond what we can fathom. Hence, we need to learn to wait and listen together with our children in the presence of God.
Lastly, the relationship with our children can be, and should be, filled with fun. Remember the times when we longed to simply spend time with our fathers, to be listened to by them? The same principle applies to our children. We all need to set aside quality time for our children and spouses, and listen to and embrace them (cf. Lk 15:20). Allowing them to be loved as who they are, not what they can do or how they can perform. Being present to them means without the noise and distraction, away from our worries of the world. Setting aside what we want and simply doing something they want and enjoy.
A wise person once said that the best gift fathers could give to their children is loving their mothers. This is a beautiful gift that demonstrates and teaches none other than to live in love, which comes from God (cf. 1 Jn 4:12; Eph 5:25). Parenting children is about how we, fathers, live as the children of God (Jn 1:12) despite our messiness. Our children will see a glimpse of His glory and experience His love through our lives by His grace.
Lord, we thank you for Your greatness and the indescribable joy of being fathers in Your care. We thank you for the abundance of grace we have received in Christ Jesus, as we purpose to be faithful and loving in our family relationships and in service to others. Amen.